Approved Guide
How to Handle Motivate Someone Step by Step
When motivate someone leaves you confused, worried, or unsure what it means, a clear step-by-step approach can help you sort the signal from the stress. This guide explains how to understand the situation, reflect on what matters, choose a practical next step, and know when to ask for trusted support.
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Part
1
Use specific, not generic, motivational words.
1
Offer targeted guidance just for them, not stock motivational clichés.
Say the person’s name and tailor your words to suit the situation at hand. Don’t use a phrase you saw on a poster or heard during a self-help infomercial!
- Say the person’s name and tailor your words to suit the situation at hand.
- Don’t use a phrase you saw on a poster or heard during a self-help infomercial!
- Say the person’s name and tailor your words to suit the situation at hand.
- Don’t use a phrase you saw on a poster or heard during a self-help infomercial!
- Say the person’s name and tailor your words to suit the situation at hand.
Part
2
Use “I” instead of “you” phrasing.
1
Motivate with “I” statements that offer your support for their efforts.
Whether you’re trying to motivate, critique, discipline, or resolve a conflict with another person, using “you” statements tends to put them on the defensive. Instead, use hostility-reducing “I” statements to offer encouragement and support while leaving the choice to accept it (or not) in their hands.
- Whether you’re trying to motivate, critique, discipline, or resolve a conflict with another person, using “you” statements tends to put them on the defensive.
- Instead, use hostility-reducing “I” statements to offer encouragement and support while leaving the choice to accept it (or not) in their hands.
- Whether you’re trying to motivate, critique, discipline, or resolve a conflict with another person, using “you” statements tends to put them on the defensive.
- Instead, use hostility-reducing “I” statements to offer encouragement and support while leaving the choice to accept it (or not) in their hands.
- Whether you’re trying to motivate, critique, discipline, or resolve a conflict with another person, using “you” statements tends to put them on the defensive.
Part
3
Motivate with positivity, not negativity.
1
Negativity never provides the same lasting motivation as positivity.
Motivation should always be positive! Negativity is simply not a good motivational strategy. Criticisms, frustrations, and ultimatums may in some cases cause a response in the short term, but negative approaches won’t truly motivate the person to make a change.
- Motivation should always be positive!
- Negativity is simply not a good motivational strategy.
- Criticisms, frustrations, and ultimatums may in some cases cause a response in the short term, but negative approaches won’t truly motivate the person to make a change.
- Motivation should always be positive!
- Negativity is simply not a good motivational strategy.
Part
4
Prioritize their process over their results.
1
Help them be proud of self-improvement instead of obsessing over success.
Sure, mountain climbers are motivated in part by the thought of standing on that high peak for a few minutes. However, it’s the process of conquering the mountain (and their own fears and limits) that truly drives them. No matter the circumstances, focus your motivational efforts on the “climb” more than the “summit.”
- Sure, mountain climbers are motivated in part by the thought of standing on that high peak for a few minutes.
- However, it’s the process of conquering the mountain (and their own fears and limits) that truly drives them.
- No matter the circumstances, focus your motivational efforts on the “climb” more than the “summit.”
- Sure, mountain climbers are motivated in part by the thought of standing on that high peak for a few minutes.
- However, it’s the process of conquering the mountain (and their own fears and limits) that truly drives them.
Part
5
Identify smaller goals in the big picture.
1
Offer motivational words that break large tasks into manageable chunks.
People often lack motivation because they’re overwhelmed by a task that seems too big to handle, not because they're lazy. If you can help the person see many smaller tasks instead of one giant one, they’ll find it easier to envision success. Sydney Axelrod Certified Life Coach Expert Interview
- People often lack motivation because they’re overwhelmed by a task that seems too big to handle, not because they're lazy.
- If you can help the person see many smaller tasks instead of one giant one, they’ll find it easier to envision success.
- Sydney Axelrod Certified Life Coach Expert Interview
- People often lack motivation because they’re overwhelmed by a task that seems too big to handle, not because they're lazy.
- If you can help the person see many smaller tasks instead of one giant one, they’ll find it easier to envision success.
Part
6
Give them praise for working hard.
1
Motivate future achievements by rewarding their current efforts.
As a teacher, boss, coach, or parent, offer praise and recognition whenever the person earns it—not generic, unwarranted praise, but specific recognition for specific work. Some people value praise more highly than others, but everyone likes to be honestly recognized for their genuine efforts. It lets them know that you appreciate what they’re doing, and offers a reason for them to seek additional praise.
- As a teacher, boss, coach, or parent, offer praise and recognition whenever the person earns it—not generic, unwarranted praise, but specific recognition for specific work.
- Some people value praise more highly than others, but everyone likes to be honestly recognized for their genuine efforts.
- It lets them know that you appreciate what they’re doing, and offers a reason for them to seek additional praise.
- As a teacher, boss, coach, or parent, offer praise and recognition whenever the person earns it—not generic, unwarranted praise, but specific recognition for specific work.
- Some people value praise more highly than others, but everyone likes to be honestly recognized for their genuine efforts.
Part
7
Encourage them to reward themselves.
1
Self-praise for accomplishments, even small ones, is a great motivator.
You should always acknowledge their efforts and praise their achievements, and also encourage them to do the same for themselves. When it comes to inspiring motivation, no “win” is too small or insignificant! Sydney Axelrod Certified Life Coach Expert Interview
- You should always acknowledge their efforts and praise their achievements, and also encourage them to do the same for themselves.
- When it comes to inspiring motivation, no “win” is too small or insignificant!
- Sydney Axelrod Certified Life Coach Expert Interview
- You should always acknowledge their efforts and praise their achievements, and also encourage them to do the same for themselves.
- When it comes to inspiring motivation, no “win” is too small or insignificant!
Part
8
Don’t go overboard with your comments.
1
Prioritize the quality of your motivational words, not the quantity.
If you constantly try to motivate someone with words of inspiration and encouragement, your efforts will likely become less and less successful. The person may ignore what you say because it’s so commonplace, or they may resent your endless efforts to motivate them.
- If you constantly try to motivate someone with words of inspiration and encouragement, your efforts will likely become less and less successful.
- The person may ignore what you say because it’s so commonplace, or they may resent your endless efforts to motivate them.
- If you constantly try to motivate someone with words of inspiration and encouragement, your efforts will likely become less and less successful.
- The person may ignore what you say because it’s so commonplace, or they may resent your endless efforts to motivate them.
- If you constantly try to motivate someone with words of inspiration and encouragement, your efforts will likely become less and less successful.
Part
9
Tailor your strategy to fit them.
1
Motivation needs to be personalized, not one-size-fits-all.
Before you can motivate someone, you have to know something about them and how they operate. If you don’t already know them well, get to know the person by watching, listening, and interacting. The more you learn about them, the better you’ll be able to tailor your motivational strategy.
- Before you can motivate someone, you have to know something about them and how they operate.
- If you don’t already know them well, get to know the person by watching, listening, and interacting.
- The more you learn about them, the better you’ll be able to tailor your motivational strategy.
- Before you can motivate someone, you have to know something about them and how they operate.
- If you don’t already know them well, get to know the person by watching, listening, and interacting.
Part
10
Identify what motivates them to succeed.
1
Base your motivational strategy on the results they value most.
People are driven to do things by the potential for extrinsic benefits, like wealth or a title, and intrinsic benefits, like feelings of contentment. The extrinsic/intrinsic mix varies by person, so it pays to think about how a person values different things. Only then can you effectively target your motivation towards what they value most.
- People are driven to do things by the potential for extrinsic benefits, like wealth or a title, and intrinsic benefits, like feelings of contentment.
- The extrinsic/intrinsic mix varies by person, so it pays to think about how a person values different things.
- Only then can you effectively target your motivation towards what they value most.
- People are driven to do things by the potential for extrinsic benefits, like wealth or a title, and intrinsic benefits, like feelings of contentment.
- The extrinsic/intrinsic mix varies by person, so it pays to think about how a person values different things.
Part
11
Motivate them and the “team” they’re on.
1
In a group or team setting, explain the person’s key role in the overall effort.
This is useful in work, school, sports, and family settings, among others. Let the person know that they’re a vital component of something bigger than themselves. Don’t go negative, though, and use a “you owe it to the team” approach. Instead, stay positive!
- This is useful in work, school, sports, and family settings, among others.
- Let the person know that they’re a vital component of something bigger than themselves.
- Don’t go negative, though, and use a “you owe it to the team” approach.
- Instead, stay positive!
- This is useful in work, school, sports, and family settings, among others.
Part
12
Give them what they need to succeed.
1
Offer a plan and tools for success so they know the job can be done.
This is the best way to motivate as a boss, coach, or parent: give the people under your leadership what they need to succeed. The greatest motivational speech in history won’t improve sales if the employees don’t have the tools and tech they need to engage new customers!
- This is the best way to motivate as a boss, coach, or parent: give the people under your leadership what they need to succeed.
- The greatest motivational speech in history won’t improve sales if the employees don’t have the tools and tech they need to engage new customers!
- This is the best way to motivate as a boss, coach, or parent: give the people under your leadership what they need to succeed.
- The greatest motivational speech in history won’t improve sales if the employees don’t have the tools and tech they need to engage new customers!
- This is the best way to motivate as a boss, coach, or parent: give the people under your leadership what they need to succeed.
Part
13
Show how motivated you are.
1
Seeing your motivation in action may help to inspire theirs.
It sounds so simple but it’s easy to ignore: if you’re hoping to motivate someone else to do their best, make sure you demonstrate your own motivation to do your best! If you want your young adult child to take a greater interest in the world around them, for instance, show yourself to be actively engaged in community, national, and/or global issues.
- It sounds so simple but it’s easy to ignore: if you’re hoping to motivate someone else to do their best, make sure you demonstrate your own motivation to do your best!
- If you want your young adult child to take a greater interest in the world around them, for instance, show yourself to be actively engaged in community, national, and/or global issues.
- It sounds so simple but it’s easy to ignore: if you’re hoping to motivate someone else to do their best, make sure you demonstrate your own motivation to do your best!
- If you want your young adult child to take a greater interest in the world around them, for instance, show yourself to be actively engaged in community, national, and/or global issues.
- It sounds so simple but it’s easy to ignore: if you’re hoping to motivate someone else to do their best, make sure you demonstrate your own motivation to do your best!
Part
14
Accept that you might not succeed.
1
Do your part but realize you can’t force them to be motivated.
True motivation comes from within, so there’s no way you can “make” another person feel motivated to do something. Instead, your goal should be to help them to identify their own feelings of motivation.
- True motivation comes from within, so there’s no way you can “make” another person feel motivated to do something.
- Instead, your goal should be to help them to identify their own feelings of motivation.
- True motivation comes from within, so there’s no way you can “make” another person feel motivated to do something.
- Instead, your goal should be to help them to identify their own feelings of motivation.
- True motivation comes from within, so there’s no way you can “make” another person feel motivated to do something.
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References
- https://hbr.org/2013/07/if-you-want-to-motivate-someone-shut-up-already
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5961625/
- https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-power-of-positive-internal-motivation
- https://positivepsychology.com/positive-reinforcement-psychology/
- https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-motivate-someone-or-yourself/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/curious/201407/16-ways-motivate-anyone
- https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_ways_to_help_people_change
- https://positivepsychology.com/compassion-at-work-leadership/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-new-home/202201/how-increase-self-motivation
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-right-mindset/202009/why-failure-is-your-ally
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