Approved Guide
How to Handle Express Your Feelings Step by Step
When express your feelings leaves you confused, worried, or unsure what it means, a clear step-by-step approach can help you sort the signal from the stress. This guide explains how to understand the situation, reflect on what matters, choose a practical next step, and know when to ask for trusted support.
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Part
1
Self-Awareness
1
Accept your feelings.
Before you can do anything else, you have to recognize and accept that you are going to have feelings and there is nothing wrong with that. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just exist. Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist Expert Interview
- Before you can do anything else, you have to recognize and accept that you are going to have feelings and there is nothing wrong with that.
- Feelings are not right or wrong, they just exist.
- Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist Expert Interview
- Before you can do anything else, you have to recognize and accept that you are going to have feelings and there is nothing wrong with that.
- Feelings are not right or wrong, they just exist.
2
Recognize how your body is reacting to your feelings.
Feelings are driven by emotions, which are controlled by your brain. Take note of your physiological responses when you feel something. For example, you might sweat when you feel scared, your face might become warm when you are embarrassed, and your heart might race when you are angry. Keying into your bodily responses will help you recognize feelings as they come.
- Feelings are driven by emotions, which are controlled by your brain.
- Take note of your physiological responses when you feel something.
- For example, you might sweat when you feel scared, your face might become warm when you are embarrassed, and your heart might race when you are angry.
- Keying into your bodily responses will help you recognize feelings as they come.
- Feelings are driven by emotions, which are controlled by your brain.
3
Learn the vocabulary of feelings.
It can be hard to express what you are feeling when you do not have the words to do so. Try looking at some “feelings charts,” which can easily be found through an internet search, to understand the range of emotion and to learn words to describe feelings. Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist Expert Interview
- It can be hard to express what you are feeling when you do not have the words to do so.
- Try looking at some “feelings charts,” which can easily be found through an internet search, to understand the range of emotion and to learn words to describe feelings.
- Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist Expert Interview
- It can be hard to express what you are feeling when you do not have the words to do so.
- Try looking at some “feelings charts,” which can easily be found through an internet search, to understand the range of emotion and to learn words to describe feelings.
4
Dissect complicated emotions.
Often, you feel multiple emotions all at once. It is important to disentangle these emotions from each other so you can process each one on its own. For example, if you have a relative with a long-term illness who passes, you might be saddened by their loss, but also relieved they are no longer in pain.
- Often, you feel multiple emotions all at once.
- It is important to disentangle these emotions from each other so you can process each one on its own.
- For example, if you have a relative with a long-term illness who passes, you might be saddened by their loss, but also relieved they are no longer in pain.
- Often, you feel multiple emotions all at once.
- It is important to disentangle these emotions from each other so you can process each one on its own.
Part
2
Interpersonal Expression
1
Use "I" statements.
When expressing your feelings to someone else, “I” statements are powerful because they promote connection and do not make the other person feel at fault. Saying something like, “You make me feel __” conjures blame and guilt on behalf of the person you are speaking with. Reframe your statement by saying, “I feel __.”
- When expressing your feelings to someone else, “I” statements are powerful because they promote connection and do not make the other person feel at fault.
- Saying something like, “You make me feel __” conjures blame and guilt on behalf of the person you are speaking with.
- Reframe your statement by saying, “I feel __.”
- When expressing your feelings to someone else, “I” statements are powerful because they promote connection and do not make the other person feel at fault.
- Saying something like, “You make me feel __” conjures blame and guilt on behalf of the person you are speaking with.
2
Initiate a conversation about your feelings with others.
Deciding how to bring up a discussion about your feelings with others can be an intimidating task. If you decide to talk with someone about your feelings, always start with positivity by saying nice things about the person and your relationship. Then bring up how you feel using “I” statements, and be as honest as possible.
- Deciding how to bring up a discussion about your feelings with others can be an intimidating task.
- If you decide to talk with someone about your feelings, always start with positivity by saying nice things about the person and your relationship.
- Then bring up how you feel using “I” statements, and be as honest as possible.
- Deciding how to bring up a discussion about your feelings with others can be an intimidating task.
- If you decide to talk with someone about your feelings, always start with positivity by saying nice things about the person and your relationship.
3
Communicate to others clearly.
Communication is critically important to the expression of feelings. Choose a trusted group of loved-ones to share your feelings with. As you are talking, be as clear as possible by using your vocabulary of feelings and “I” statements. If you are sharing how a situation made you feel, clearly describe the situation and the resulting feelings. Your loved ones will listen and validate your feelings. Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist Expert Interview
- Communication is critically important to the expression of feelings.
- Choose a trusted group of loved-ones to share your feelings with.
- As you are talking, be as clear as possible by using your vocabulary of feelings and “I” statements.
- If you are sharing how a situation made you feel, clearly describe the situation and the resulting feelings.
- Your loved ones will listen and validate your feelings.
4
Listen
to others when they talk to you. Communication is a two-way street, and you must learn to listen while others speak to communicate effectively. As someone is talking to you, give them your undivided attention (put away your devices!), nonverbally respond by nodding your head, and offer feedback to their statements.
- to others when they talk to you.
- Communication is a two-way street, and you must learn to listen while others speak to communicate effectively.
- As someone is talking to you, give them your undivided attention (put away your devices!), nonverbally respond by nodding your head, and offer feedback to their statements.
- to others when they talk to you.
- Communication is a two-way street, and you must learn to listen while others speak to communicate effectively.
5
Take deep breaths.
Before you react to a situation emotionally, take a deep breath. Deep breathing is scientifically proven to relax you and lower blood pressure. If you breathe before you react, you can clear your head and react responsibly.
- Before you react to a situation emotionally, take a deep breath.
- Deep breathing is scientifically proven to relax you and lower blood pressure.
- If you breathe before you react, you can clear your head and react responsibly.
- Before you react to a situation emotionally, take a deep breath.
- Deep breathing is scientifically proven to relax you and lower blood pressure.
6
Surround yourself with trusted and positive people.
As social humans, we tend to match the tone of the situation. If you are with people speaking negatively about others, you might be inclined to join in the negativity. Conversely, if you surround yourself with positivity, you will thrive and feel nurtured. The friends with whom you choose to surround yourself will provide the environment in which you either succeed or do not. If you have a solid group of friends, you will feel more at ease to express your true feelings with them.
- As social humans, we tend to match the tone of the situation.
- If you are with people speaking negatively about others, you might be inclined to join in the negativity.
- Conversely, if you surround yourself with positivity, you will thrive and feel nurtured.
- The friends with whom you choose to surround yourself will provide the environment in which you either succeed or do not.
- If you have a solid group of friends, you will feel more at ease to express your true feelings with them.
7
Seek professional help if you are struggling with expressing your emotion.
There is nothing wrong with you if you are struggling to express your feelings. You might need to see someone who is trained to talk about feelings and help you express your own. You might need in-person guidance from a professional to not only express your emotions, but also get at the root of why you cannot express your emotions.
- There is nothing wrong with you if you are struggling to express your feelings.
- You might need to see someone who is trained to talk about feelings and help you express your own.
- You might need in-person guidance from a professional to not only express your emotions, but also get at the root of why you cannot express your emotions.
- There is nothing wrong with you if you are struggling to express your feelings.
- You might need to see someone who is trained to talk about feelings and help you express your own.
Part
3
Private Expression
1
Meditate
. Meditation is a powerful tool that can help you focus your energy and calm yourself down when you are feeling stressed or anxious. To begin meditating, find a quiet and comfortable place to sit. Start by taking a normal breath, then take a deep breath by slowly inhaling through your nose and allowing your chest rise as your lungs fill. Then slowly exhale through your mouth.
- Meditation is a powerful tool that can help you focus your energy and calm yourself down when you are feeling stressed or anxious.
- To begin meditating, find a quiet and comfortable place to sit.
- Start by taking a normal breath, then take a deep breath by slowly inhaling through your nose and allowing your chest rise as your lungs fill.
- Then slowly exhale through your mouth.
- Meditation is a powerful tool that can help you focus your energy and calm yourself down when you are feeling stressed or anxious.
2
Write your feelings down.
Get in the habit of writing your feelings down on paper or in your phone. Putting your feelings into a tangible form will help you organize and clarify your feelings. Journaling has been shown to drastically reduce stress, strengthen the immune system, and increase overall well-being.
- Get in the habit of writing your feelings down on paper or in your phone.
- Putting your feelings into a tangible form will help you organize and clarify your feelings.
- Journaling has been shown to drastically reduce stress, strengthen the immune system, and increase overall well-being.
- Get in the habit of writing your feelings down on paper or in your phone.
- Putting your feelings into a tangible form will help you organize and clarify your feelings.
3
Engage in exercise.
For the days that seem unbearable and are filled with excessive anger, stress, and anxiety you need to find a release for those feelings. You cannot keep them bottled up inside because that will only lead to heightened negative feelings and even depression or physical problems. Cox, D., Bruckner, K., Stabb, S. 2003. The anger advantage. Broadway Publishing
- For the days that seem unbearable and are filled with excessive anger, stress, and anxiety you need to find a release for those feelings.
- You cannot keep them bottled up inside because that will only lead to heightened negative feelings and even depression or physical problems.
- Cox, D., Bruckner, K., Stabb, S.
- The anger advantage.
- Broadway Publishing
4
Treat yourself.
When feeling positive feelings such as excitement, happiness, contention, and joyfulness, keep the up the momentum and treat yourself by going shopping, indulging in a dessert, or going out with friends.
- When feeling positive feelings such as excitement, happiness, contention, and joyfulness, keep the up the momentum and treat yourself by going shopping, indulging in a dessert, or going out with friends.
- When feeling positive feelings such as excitement, happiness, contention, and joyfulness, keep the up the momentum and treat yourself by going shopping, indulging in a dessert, or going out with friends.
- When feeling positive feelings such as excitement, happiness, contention, and joyfulness, keep the up the momentum and treat yourself by going shopping, indulging in a dessert, or going out with friends.
- When feeling positive feelings such as excitement, happiness, contention, and joyfulness, keep the up the momentum and treat yourself by going shopping, indulging in a dessert, or going out with friends.
- When feeling positive feelings such as excitement, happiness, contention, and joyfulness, keep the up the momentum and treat yourself by going shopping, indulging in a dessert, or going out with friends.
5
Visualize different options of expressing your feelings in a given situation.
The way you express your feelings is a choice that only you can make. You can respond negatively or positively to each situation you are presented with, and visualizing all possible responses can be helpful to sort though your true feelings about a given situation.
- The way you express your feelings is a choice that only you can make.
- You can respond negatively or positively to each situation you are presented with, and visualizing all possible responses can be helpful to sort though your true feelings about a given situation.
- The way you express your feelings is a choice that only you can make.
- You can respond negatively or positively to each situation you are presented with, and visualizing all possible responses can be helpful to sort though your true feelings about a given situation.
- The way you express your feelings is a choice that only you can make.
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References
- https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1321664111
- https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/02/effectively-communicating-feelings/
- https://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html
- https://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/primary_secondary.htm
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201406/5-tips-for-tough-conversations-with-your-partner
- https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-handle-difficult-conversations-at-work
- https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
- https://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening/
- https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
- https://www.huffingtonpost.com/leon-logothetis/kkeeping-good-company-why-you-should-surround-yourself-with-good-people_b_6816468.html
- https://www.apa.org/monitor/jun02/writing.aspx
- https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling/
- https://psychology.about.com/od/operantconditioning/f/positive-reinforcement.htm
- https://www.criticalthinking.org/pages/cognition-and-affect-critical-thinking-and-emotional-intelligence/485
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