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How to Handle Deal With a Manipulative Person Step by Step

When deal with a manipulative person leaves you confused, worried, or unsure what it means, a clear step-by-step approach can help you sort the signal from the stress. This guide explains how to understand the situation, reflect on what matters, choose a practical next step, and know when to ask for trusted support.

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Part 1

Handling Interactions with Them

Stay calm.

A manipulator may try to get a rise out of you or have you respond emotionally instead of rationally. When speaking with a manipulator, stay calm and in control. Don’t get swept up by the moment or taken advantage of because you are kind. Allison Broennimann, PhD Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview Take some deep breaths to help you feel calm in your thinking and in your body.

A manipulator may try to get a rise out of you or have you respond emotionally instead of rationally.
When speaking with a manipulator, stay calm and in control.
Don’t get swept up by the moment or taken advantage of because you are kind.
Allison Broennimann, PhD Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview Take some deep breaths to help you feel calm in your thinking and in your body.
A manipulator may try to get a rise out of you or have you respond emotionally instead of rationally.

Say no firmly.

You have the right to say no and not feel guilty. You also have the right to put your own priorities first. Stand your ground when you say no. Make sure the person knows that once you say no, you mean and it there’s no budging you.

You have the right to say no and not feel guilty.
You also have the right to put your own priorities first.
Stand your ground when you say no.
Make sure the person knows that once you say no, you mean and it there’s no budging you.
You have the right to say no and not feel guilty.

Assert yourself and be heard.

Make sure you get a say in what happens and that you make your voice heard. If you need to say something, don’t let them interrupt you or talk over you. Use “I” statements to communicate how you feel and what you’re thinking. You should feel like you have the option to say no or share your opinion and still be respected for your decision.

Make sure you get a say in what happens and that you make your voice heard.
If you need to say something, don’t let them interrupt you or talk over you.
Use “I” statements to communicate how you feel and what you’re thinking.
You should feel like you have the option to say no or share your opinion and still be respected for your decision.
Make sure you get a say in what happens and that you make your voice heard.

Practice self-care.

Dealing with a manipulator can be emotionally exhausting, so make sure you’re taking care of yourself. If you’re feeling stressed out after an interaction or you feel drained from your exchanges, take some time to give to yourself. Allison Broennimann, PhD Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview Practice deep breathing to bring a sense of calm to your mind and body. If you’re feeling stressed, do some meditation or yoga. Make some time for fun so that you don’t let any negative feelings ruin your day.

Dealing with a manipulator can be emotionally exhausting, so make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
If you’re feeling stressed out after an interaction or you feel drained from your exchanges, take some time to give to yourself.
Allison Broennimann, PhD Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview Practice deep breathing to bring a sense of calm to your mind and body.
If you’re feeling stressed, do some meditation or yoga.
Make some time for fun so that you don’t let any negative feelings ruin your day.

Part 2

Identifying and Confronting Manipulators

Recognize signs of a manipulator.

A manipulator intentionally creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim for their own agenda. They may let you talk first so that they can find holes in what you’re saying or twist your words. This person might lie or make obvious excuses for their behavior, particularly blaming you for ‘making’ them do something. A manipulative person will often be judgmental and critical of you. They might make you feel guilty when they’re actually at fault.

A manipulator intentionally creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim for their own agenda.
They may let you talk first so that they can find holes in what you’re saying or twist your words.
This person might lie or make obvious excuses for their behavior, particularly blaming you for ‘making’ them do something.
A manipulative person will often be judgmental and critical of you.
They might make you feel guilty when they’re actually at fault.

Talk about your interactions.

Especially if the manipulator is someone you talk to regularly or work with, it might be beneficial to talk about the behavior. Make it clear that you don’t like them treating you that way. You can also say what you’d like instead. Allison Broennimann, PhD Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview

Especially if the manipulator is someone you talk to regularly or work with, it might be beneficial to talk about the behavior.
Make it clear that you don’t like them treating you that way.
You can also say what you’d like instead.
Allison Broennimann, PhD Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview
Especially if the manipulator is someone you talk to regularly or work with, it might be beneficial to talk about the behavior.

Ignore guilt trips.

Recognize if the person is using guilt as a way to control you or to get you to do something you don’t want to do. Try putting their statements back onto them for self-reflection.

Recognize if the person is using guilt as a way to control you or to get you to do something you don’t want to do.
Try putting their statements back onto them for self-reflection.
Recognize if the person is using guilt as a way to control you or to get you to do something you don’t want to do.
Try putting their statements back onto them for self-reflection.
Recognize if the person is using guilt as a way to control you or to get you to do something you don’t want to do.

Point out their inequality.

Some manipulative people tend to ask much of others and give little in return. If this sounds like someone you know, start by turning things around. Ask them if their request seems fair or if they would do something like that for someone else.

Some manipulative people tend to ask much of others and give little in return.
If this sounds like someone you know, start by turning things around.
Ask them if their request seems fair or if they would do something like that for someone else.
Some manipulative people tend to ask much of others and give little in return.
If this sounds like someone you know, start by turning things around.

Part 3

Creating Boundaries in Your Relationship

Set firm limits.

Be clear in your limits with the person. A manipulative person may try to push your boundaries to get what they want. Don’t budge after you say no or when you agree (or disagree) to something. Stay firm by setting time limits and sticking to them.

Be clear in your limits with the person.
A manipulative person may try to push your boundaries to get what they want.
Don’t budge after you say no or when you agree (or disagree) to something.
Stay firm by setting time limits and sticking to them.
Be clear in your limits with the person.

Limit your interactions.

If you know somebody who’s manipulative, it might be best to limit your time and conversations with them. Keep conversations brief and don’t go into any controversial territory. If they tend to gossip or talk about other people, listen but don’t respond. Your words might be used against you.

If you know somebody who’s manipulative, it might be best to limit your time and conversations with them.
Keep conversations brief and don’t go into any controversial territory.
If they tend to gossip or talk about other people, listen but don’t respond.
Your words might be used against you.
If you know somebody who’s manipulative, it might be best to limit your time and conversations with them.

Disconnect from the person if they cause you harm.

If you feel like a manipulative person causes more harm than good in your life, it might be time to say goodbye. Friendships should be mutual, and if you feel like your relationship is no good, end it. You can either formally break up or fade out of their life.

If you feel like a manipulative person causes more harm than good in your life, it might be time to say goodbye.
Friendships should be mutual, and if you feel like your relationship is no good, end it.
You can either formally break up or fade out of their life.
If you feel like a manipulative person causes more harm than good in your life, it might be time to say goodbye.
Friendships should be mutual, and if you feel like your relationship is no good, end it.

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