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Amanda Foster — Reviewed writer, former magazine editor

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How to Handle Be Nice Step by Step

When be nice leaves you confused, worried, or unsure what it means, a clear step-by-step approach can help you sort the signal from the stress. This guide explains how to understand the situation, reflect on what matters, choose a practical next step, and know when to ask for trusted support.

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Part 1

Being Nice in Everyday Ways

Acknowledge other people.

When you're walking past someone, even a stranger, acknowledge their presence with a simple "Hello!","Hi!", "How are you?" or “What’s up?” Even a simple wave or a nod in their direction will show you are acknowledging them. Letting people know you see them is nice; it makes people feel a little more special.

When you're walking past someone, even a stranger, acknowledge their presence with a simple "Hello!","Hi!", "How are you?" or “What’s up?” Even a simple wave or a nod in their direction will show you are acknowledging them.
Letting people know you see them is nice; it makes people feel a little more special.
When you're walking past someone, even a stranger, acknowledge their presence with a simple "Hello!","Hi!", "How are you?" or “What’s up?” Even a simple wave or a nod in their direction will show you are acknowledging them.
Letting people know you see them is nice; it makes people feel a little more special.
When you're walking past someone, even a stranger, acknowledge their presence with a simple "Hello!","Hi!", "How are you?" or “What’s up?” Even a simple wave or a nod in their direction will show you are acknowledging them.

Be a good listener.

Listen when other people are talking to you. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview It isn't nice to just ignore other people's opinions and stories. Give them time to speak, just as you'd like them to give you time to speak if your positions were reversed.

Listen when other people are talking to you.
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview It isn't nice to just ignore other people's opinions and stories.
Give them time to speak, just as you'd like them to give you time to speak if your positions were reversed.
Listen when other people are talking to you.
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview It isn't nice to just ignore other people's opinions and stories.

Be courteous, polite, and helpful.

Always use your manners, say please and thank you. Be patient, caring, observant, and considerate. Treat people with respect, even those you don't particularly want to get to know. Offer help and assistance when someone needs it.

Always use your manners, say please and thank you.
Be patient, caring, observant, and considerate.
Treat people with respect, even those you don't particularly want to get to know.
Offer help and assistance when someone needs it.
Always use your manners, say please and thank you.

Smile

. Smiling at people lets them know that you are pleasant. Look the person in the eye and give them a small smile or a wide grin - it doesn't matter which. This sets the mood of the encounter and usually encourages the other person to smile back. This also helps the person feel comfortable around you. If they do not smile back at you, then maybe they are just having a bad day. That's okay; being nice doesn't guarantee a positive response, but it usually helps.

Smiling at people lets them know that you are pleasant.
Look the person in the eye and give them a small smile or a wide grin - it doesn't matter which.
This sets the mood of the encounter and usually encourages the other person to smile back.
This also helps the person feel comfortable around you.
If they do not smile back at you, then maybe they are just having a bad day.

Practice empathy.

This is the ability to put yourself in others' shoes. Empathy is not something you're born with, it is something you need to work on. Simply put, try to leave your own head and ask, "how does this make them feel?" Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview The goal here isn't to find a "right answer." Rather, it is the act of putting others before yourself that will help you become a more thoughtful, caring, and kind person.

This is the ability to put yourself in others' shoes.
Empathy is not something you're born with, it is something you need to work on.
Simply put, try to leave your own head and ask, "how does this make them feel?" Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview The goal here isn't to find a "right answer." Rather, it is the act of putting others before yourself that will help you become a more thoughtful, caring, and kind person.
This is the ability to put yourself in others' shoes.
Empathy is not something you're born with, it is something you need to work on.

Never speak ill of others when they aren't around.

Of course, you shouldn't generally criticize people at all, but there are times when telling someone they did someone wrong is perfectly fine. However, that time is never when the person isn't around. Talking badly about people when they aren't around tells everyone else that you don't respect them, and treat people differently when they are around. Nice people know that talking behind someone's back is never appreciated and can make you appear as a gossip.

Of course, you shouldn't generally criticize people at all, but there are times when telling someone they did someone wrong is perfectly fine.
However, that time is never when the person isn't around.
Talking badly about people when they aren't around tells everyone else that you don't respect them, and treat people differently when they are around.
Nice people know that talking behind someone's back is never appreciated and can make you appear as a gossip.
Of course, you shouldn't generally criticize people at all, but there are times when telling someone they did someone wrong is perfectly fine.

Look out for everyone, not just those closest to you.

Holding the door for a friend is kind, but being a nice person is about being helpful and kind towards everyone. Give a hand to a struggling person on the sidewalk, and offer to help out a classmate or coworker when they spill their papers in the hall. You can be the person who helps organize someone's birthday, or brings donuts in on Friday just because. Be nice just to be nice.

Holding the door for a friend is kind, but being a nice person is about being helpful and kind towards everyone.
Give a hand to a struggling person on the sidewalk, and offer to help out a classmate or coworker when they spill their papers in the hall.
You can be the person who helps organize someone's birthday, or brings donuts in on Friday just because.
Be nice just to be nice.
Holding the door for a friend is kind, but being a nice person is about being helpful and kind towards everyone.

Part 2

Being Nice to People You Know

Be positive.

When your friends look to you for advice or just to set the mood of a conversation, don't be negative or critical. Keep looking for the positive in any given situation. Cheer them up. There are two sides to every situation: the positive side and the negative side. Nice people help others see the bright side of things.

When your friends look to you for advice or just to set the mood of a conversation, don't be negative or critical.
Keep looking for the positive in any given situation.
Cheer them up.
There are two sides to every situation: the positive side and the negative side.
Nice people help others see the bright side of things.

Be humble.

Do you tend to look down your nose at people who are different or "weird"? It's not nice to believe that you are better than other people. You're an individual, but everybody has their struggles, and being nice to one another makes life better for everyone. Everybody is equal, and when you talk about how great you are, you make others feel less valuable.

Do you tend to look down your nose at people who are different or "weird"?
It's not nice to believe that you are better than other people.
You're an individual, but everybody has their struggles, and being nice to one another makes life better for everyone.
Everybody is equal, and when you talk about how great you are, you make others feel less valuable.
Do you tend to look down your nose at people who are different or "weird"?

Be sincere.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview If you are being nice to gain preferential treatment, it's quite the opposite of being nice. What you are doing is deceptive and cruel. Be nice because you want to look back on your life and know that you were a nice person, no matter what. Be nice because you feel like you willingly want to.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview If you are being nice to gain preferential treatment, it's quite the opposite of being nice.
What you are doing is deceptive and cruel.
Be nice because you want to look back on your life and know that you were a nice person, no matter what.
Be nice because you feel like you willingly want to.
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview If you are being nice to gain preferential treatment, it's quite the opposite of being nice.

Part 3

Being Nice to People You Love

Offer to help.

If you see your mom or dad struggling to juggle all the chores that need to be done, offer to help. Put others before yourself, when you have energy and time to spare. Your nice acts will definitely be rewarded in the long run.

If you see your mom or dad struggling to juggle all the chores that need to be done, offer to help.
Put others before yourself, when you have energy and time to spare.
Your nice acts will definitely be rewarded in the long run.
If you see your mom or dad struggling to juggle all the chores that need to be done, offer to help.
Put others before yourself, when you have energy and time to spare.

Be reliable and trustworthy.

Part of being nice to family members and others you love is being there for them in times of need. Respond to emails, answer the phone when people call, don't flake out on plans, and spend time talking when the other person asks you to listen. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview

Part of being nice to family members and others you love is being there for them in times of need.
Respond to emails, answer the phone when people call, don't flake out on plans, and spend time talking when the other person asks you to listen.
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Psychotherapist Expert Interview
Part of being nice to family members and others you love is being there for them in times of need.
Respond to emails, answer the phone when people call, don't flake out on plans, and spend time talking when the other person asks you to listen.

Take the high road.

Sometimes it's not easy to be nice. You'll encounter situations that will test your ability to be a nice person. Even people you love may at times be flaky, judgmental, egotistical, selfish, or outright mean. You've got to avoid sinking to their level. Don't turn from nice to cruel just because your patience is being tested.

Sometimes it's not easy to be nice.
You'll encounter situations that will test your ability to be a nice person.
Even people you love may at times be flaky, judgmental, egotistical, selfish, or outright mean.
You've got to avoid sinking to their level.
Don't turn from nice to cruel just because your patience is being tested.

Offer your forgiveness freely.

Don't hold grudges, and don't continue punishing or getting angry at people after they've asked for forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness is about letting the moment go instead of letting anger or jealousy continue to dominate your thoughts. It doesn't mean you have to suddenly trust them with your secrets again. It just means you stop harboring ill will if they've asked for honest forgiveness. Besides this is an important part of being good-natured. People will respect you if you are kind and forgiving.

Don't hold grudges, and don't continue punishing or getting angry at people after they've asked for forgiveness.
Remember, forgiveness is about letting the moment go instead of letting anger or jealousy continue to dominate your thoughts.
It doesn't mean you have to suddenly trust them with your secrets again.
It just means you stop harboring ill will if they've asked for honest forgiveness.
Besides this is an important part of being good-natured.

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